Grief and Gratitude
Thanksgiving arrived and departed, marking my first without my dad, but also, the first without my daughter. Two distinct voids— one claimed by death, the other abducted through a sinister, cult-like indoctrination orchestrated by the community for profit. Society appears only sympathetic to the emptiness left by one absence. Mourning your living yet estranged child, seems prohibited, as I'm deemed the culprit for her choice to depart. The educational system, and youth homeless advocacy groups, backed by state-funded programs, has convinced her that I'm unsafe and heartless unless I validate a delusion. It baffles me that these adults can justify this cruelty of keeping a child away from her mother. They readily emphasize the traumas of trans kids while overlooking the profound agony inflicted upon the parents.
I conceal my sorrow, bury my anger, and mask my shattered soul. Your recent hostility towards me, our family, differences in opinion, my personality, as well as my cooking is no secrete anyways. May gratitude fill your heart, and may your new family cherish you as deeply as I do, perhaps expressing their love even more than I could. I remain grateful for the daughter I once had, despite the attempts of denial that’s claimed. Every memory of the past 15 years is etched in my heart, and that’s something no one can ever take from me. While the ache of missing you persists, societal expectations declare it’s invalid without conforming to the deception.
I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. Jeremiah 29:11 always brings me hope, perhaps it will you as well. I saw your post on PITT today and my heart breaks for your family. I pray your daughter will return to you soon. The burden that you and other parents carry is always on my heart and in my prayers.
The anger that you express toward your daughter is a good thing for your mental health (your last paragraph). The grief at the beginning is absolutely unbearable as it's almost like a "death". Once you get past the anger phase, you will find a strange kind of peace in your new reality/life while waiting for the fever to break. I too, choose to remember the daughter that I once had because those memories are dear and precious and grounded in reality and love. I hope your daughter returns to sanity and returns home.