Trapped In a Hopeless Timeline:
Traumatized and Daughterless.
It's disheartening facing mistreatment from a school I never enrolled my child into. The comments from the community are not always welcoming whenever I post about my missing daughter. As soon as the language is used about a kid feeling “dysphoric” and words about gender and pronouns the parents because enemy number one. Reports suggesting her increased suicidal thoughts are linked to my home, phrases like the parents are narcissistic, they are unsafe, we will protect trans kid from the parents because they are too triggering for the child to be around, so on an so forth, like I said enemy number one . Repeatedly, the police emphasize that minors running away isn't illegal here in Oregon.
Now, burdened by her hospital bill collections and debts for her removal of braces during a runaway episode. Her missing person cases continually get closed by the local police without evidence of her actual whereabouts beyond a class she may show up for once in a while, again to a school I never even enrolled her into.
I can only imagine my daughter feeling empowered by the system's support, making her elusive. The realization that my efforts to regain her are ineffective. All I have left are photos and memories. I can write my emotions, I cry a lot, she’s been gone 6 months, and anytime she is angry it’s another false accusation that she so easily claims against us. I can’t afford to move, I can’t afford a non affirming treatment plan for her actual mental health. My thoughts get the best of me and this all has left me emotionally distressed and unwell.
OCTOBER 21, 2022 10:30pm: Age 14 - daughter runs away after a heated conversation over her list of “all the times my parents misgender me”
Friends' parents inform me they haven't seen her.
Filed a missing person report with the Springfield Police Department in Oregon. Informed they don't search for runaways.
A local mom, whom I've never met, messages me on Facebook stating my daughter was at her house claiming I kicked her out.
Daughter tells this lady I didn't love her because of her identity.
I attempt to pick up my daughter, but she flees.
Springfield police advise me that if I locate my daughter, I must report it to them for safety verification.
OCTOBER 23: Several hours later at 1:30 am, I find my daughter walking down a street. Very reluctant to get into our vehicle.
The Springfield Police Department sends out CAHOOTS (provides mobile crisis intervention) instead of the police to meet us in a parking lot to ensure my daughter's well-being.
Daughter informs my husband while I speak privately with the CAHOOTS team that she has a plan but refuses to disclose plan details.
Daughter informs CAHOOTS she does not wish to return home.
CAHOOTS suggests my daughter go to the crisis youth shelter; Station 7 Looking Glass in downtown Eugene, to cool off for the night, claiming they offer various family services.
OCTOBER 23, 6:40 pm: A caseworker from CPS shows up at our door unannounced, initiating our first investigation.
Looking glass station 7 Crisis Shelter assigns a family counselor.
We decide to change my daughter's school.
The counselor, while agreeing with my inquiries about gender and identity, behaves differently in front of my daughter. She's the first person to send me videos of detransitioners and information about Miriam Grossman.
OCTOBER 31: We inform my daughter that we've changed her school and will bring her home from the shelter.
NOVEMBER: Discover that the parents who claimed not to have seen my daughter actually drove her to multiple locations while she was missing.
Counselor determines it's beyond her expertise to continue working with us.
CPS makes me feel like I’m required to affirm my daughters preferred gender. She used verbiage that makes us feel fearful, implying that we must affirm or risk losing our daughter.
DECEMBER 19: A new CPS worker takes over the case with another random drop in visit.
DECEMBER 23, 2022: 15th Birthday.
DECEMBER 2022: CPS case closed. Accusations unfounded.
FEBRUARY OR MARCH 2023: I carefully select a therapist for my daughter.
MAY 3, 2023: Daughter runs away again.
Station 7 Looking Glass shelter calls, requesting permission for her to stay; I decline.
Looking Glass and daughter make a CPS report.
Another CPS investigation opens and a caseworker calls.
6 days after my daughter being missing, caseworker calls urging me to allow her to stay at the crisis shelter due to concerns for her safety.
MAY 9: Contact my daughter's father after 11 years.
MAY 2023: Daughter, her father, Looking Glass, and I attend a reunification meeting to establish a plan and bring her home.
MAY 22: Daughter returns home and confesses she smoked marijuana with kids by a river.
JUNE 2023: Daughter's counselor announces moving to a new position; I carefully select a new counselor.
Finding a counselor in Oregon for a child 14 or older is tricky because they don’t have to include parents and are able to make own decisions on mental health services.
JULY 2023: Second CPS case closed, accusations again unfounded.
AUGUST 3 2023: family meeting deciding to no longer affirm as it wasn’t improving anything. Daughter seemed fine with this decision. Infact seemed happier, more engaged, and lively.
AUGUST 14: Daughter runs away again.
Locate her at The Drop Eugene Youth Era, they kick her brother and stepdad out of the building and lock the doors while she was inside.
We call the police, as does the youth center, but they take no action until I go into the Springfield police station to file another missing person report.
An officer calls me to inform that they have spoken with my daughter, and because she threatens to commit suicide if she has to stay in my home, they take her to the hospital.
AUGUST 15: our 4th CPS caseworker contacts me, initiating the third investigation for mental injury.
Hospital holds her for three days, but she does not meet the criteria to stay. I pick her up on August 17th.
AUGUST 21, 3:30 am: Daughter leaves, attempting to cover a security camera with a sticky note, which falls off, revealing her disappearance into the night.
Another missing person report is filed.
SEPTEMBER 6, 2023: Daughter does not attend the first day of school, She is now a sophomore.
Continues to be absent from school.
SEPTEMBER 12: Daughter is no longer listed on the ParentVue app with the school.
The school records department informs me that a different school in a different district has requested her records.
The new school refuses to provide me with any information because my daughter is using a different name and I am not listed as her guardian on new school records.
Under McKinney-Vento as an "unaccompanied minor" Becca Larsen changes my daughter's school district without cross-referencing that she was a missing person.
CPS clarifies that they do not search for or force minors to return home. Their role is to ensure that our home is not a safety concern, and our caseworker confirms there are no safety concerns.
NOVEMBER 2, 2023: Sergeant Wilson of the Springfield Police Department makes contact with my daughter at her new school and gets me added to the school records. He informs me that the missing person report will be closed and suggests I communicate with the school to rebuild trust with my daughter.
Sergeant James Wilson informs me he was unable to obtain my daughter's living address but suggests she may be staying with a friend.
The officer mentions that she is receiving food assistance and other necessities through various programs, although he is not familiar with all the details of these assistance programs.
The school principal provides me with my daughter's school email address, cautioning me that I may not receive much, if any, response if I reach out to her.
I inform the principal of my intention to visit the school to see my daughter, to which he responds that if she doesn't feel safe, they won't force her to attend the meeting with me, emphasizing their commitment to her safety.
The principal describes her as homeless, stating that they won't escalate truancy issues in her case.
I clarify that she is not homeless, she has a loving family and home, I express my frustration that others are enabling her behavior. I remind him that he is aware of CPS confirming three times now in less than a year that we are not a safety concern.
NOVEMBER 27: Left a voicemail for Sergeant Wilson of the Springfield Police Department, seeking clarification on allowing a 15-year-old to not report a living address without being listed as missing. Voiced concerns about my daughter's situation, but received no callback.
DECEMBER 5: a different school principle provided me my daughters phone number. I’ve called, texted, and emailed several times with no answer.
DECEMBER 12-15: Exchanged emails with both the school and McKinney-Vento representative, informing them of potential liability for any harm to my daughter due to their refusal to provide information. Questioned her whereabouts during the upcoming Christmas break and the decision to change her school district without my consent or consideration of her missing status.
DECEMBER 16: Filed another missing person report, hoping for assistance, they told me I couldn't classify it as kidnapping due to lack of proof, especially her previous runaway status being known.
DECEMBER 23, 2023: 16th Birthday.
DECEMBER 31 2023: my son was able to make contact with daughter via cell number I was previously given.
She reports to him she bought herself a lava lamp and a plant for Christmas.
JANUARY 2024: I post an anonymous post in a Eugene mom Facebook group about programs helping angry run away teens.
Several days later: Daughter texts her brother cussing him out claiming we are all dead to her. Referencing my post from group.
NOVEMBER - FEBRUARY: Received truancy calls several times a week and observed her failing most classes except drama.
AUGUST - FEBRUARY: Reached out to 14 attorneys and various organizations for help locating representation with no success.
FEBRUARY 8: Sergeant James Wilson contacts me, stating that my daughter, her school counselor, and Becca Larsen with McKinney-Vento reported she is not missing. Despite this, he still lacks her living address and closes the case.
Bellow are some of my PITT articles I’ve submitted:
Unanswered Questions of a Mother in Crisis
Hugs to you. Hang in there mama. My daughter is lost too, though I cling to the hope that it is temporary. We will have retribution for the harms done to our children. It’s the only comfort I have. I would much prefer that my baby not be harmed. But if she is, well, I will work until I die to ensure that the those responsible pay.
I can’t imagine how damaging this has been to everyone in your family. The system that works against parent who obviously care very deeply for their children is so scary. The school, the police and the everyone who enables and encourages her behaviour is doing her harm. If you didn’t love her, you would have just let her disappear with out a second thought. We know you love her and we know she needs you.